why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want nice things and good sex
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
