I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
