I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
