hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
