He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
