There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
