Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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