Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
