I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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