i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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