I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
