My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
