Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
