Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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