can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
