I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
