it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
