Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
