if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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