Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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