You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
