I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
