just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
