I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My feet surprised me
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