hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
