i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
