Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
