We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
