chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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