Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
