my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright