HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
