Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions