And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Terrible idea I love it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
