Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
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oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support