this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha