youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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