i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
