I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
