I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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