i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
