I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
