I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize