Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
