jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
