i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize