I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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