No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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