get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
