I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
