Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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