I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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