i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
