Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
