your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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