You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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