don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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