ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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