Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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