I hate your face
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
