i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
