And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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