I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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