I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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