just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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