Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
