this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
