i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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