1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cockslap morals
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
