You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
