there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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