Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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