Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
